The best thing to do is to think of how that secret could be worse… If you stole $5, imagine it was $50, or if a boy who wasn’t your boyfriend kissed you, pretend you gave him a blowjob in an elevator.  Then take that worse secret, and tell your friends one by one that it’s true about each other, but make them promise to keep that secret with you!  Now your secret’s off your chest, your new fake secret is just pretend (so no guilt!) and your real secret doesn’t seem so bad after all, does it?

Many people live under the delusion that chicken breasts are not only edible, but that they are healthy.  This is a popular misconception.  If you’ve consumed chicken breast within the past year, you can undo the damage by inducing vomiting until your vomit becomes clear and acidic.  This is your body’s natural way of cleansing itself of any toxin, and can be seen practiced in the wild by chimps.

What kind of question is that?  Girls like you should just eat me.

Wait that’s good advice!